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Looking Back

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Phantom Threads

我们是你们
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Memory

Audience

There once was this hard bound magazine. A real visual feast. Tactile as well, since it was hardbound. The musty waxy smell as you turned through the pages. They were already about twenty years old when I encountered them. They would be about forty now. Over forty I guess.

https://archive.org/details/TNM_Audience_magazine_subscription_offer_20180505_0047/

Unlike the Audience “workaday” staff whose median age remain 28.7 years old, as preserved by the Internet Archive.

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Start writing. It seems so easy. Staring into the blank nothingness of digital whiteness.

Three layers

Those free minutes in the morning. The sun shining in my face. I thought about taking a selfie. The moment passed.

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We are they.

Today’s phrase for the day:

我们是他们 (Wǒmen shì tāmen)

Which is of course what I hear in my mind when I see or hear it:

They are us

他们是我们 (Tāmen shì wǒmen)

These are words and characters I’ve learned early on starting to study Chinese. Though I could still use some practice writing the characters. It’s a simple phrase, but I can’t help turning it around and around in my head. It’s a slogan no more or less dangerous, ok maybe less dangerous, that what is floating around America right now. Turning it around though, gives it a more sinister edge. We are them. We are the ones that let this happen. With our indifference and self indulgence. Is it though? Those are just words that popped out of my brain, I’m not saying they really mean anything. Bad things happen. Bad things perpetrated by misguided people. Who is doing the misguiding though? Is it they? Are they us?

My theory is to learn things you must experiment. To know something you must first not know something. Those people who are good at learning are not afraid of not knowing things. I don’t know so many things.

我不知道 (Wǒ bù zhīdào)

One thing I do know is how to say that.

Saying they are us is not far enough away from saying they are not us.

We are them.

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I had no idea what I was doing, still don’t.

It was a website, yes. I payed $50 dollars to some third party to register the domain. I wrote about this here:

https://nimhq.net/?q=blog

Which was a Drupal site I am/was experimenting with. Like I said, I still have no idea what I am doing. But instead of trying to figure out, I’m just going to do it. Keep a regular blog. Post random thoughts. Just like everyone else in the world could do if they wanted to. Which is obviously not true, but I wish that it were.

So it has been 20 years now of not really getting how the Internet works. Let’s look at the way back machine:

https://web.archive.org/web/19990827022547/https://floydwilde.blog/main.htm

A hand written HTML site for the purpose of what? I didn’t really know. All I know is that I wanted a platform to publish my own art and to collaborate with others. I cleaned floors at night in the Electric Shadow Internet Cafe for computer and Internet access. It was an exciting time, learning about technology and doing something, and mostly failing to do anything productive. Which is fine. This is fine.

I remember making a few collages that I was happy with. Gosh, now a cut-up poem that I used bubble gum to glue the cut up words to a piece of paper comes back to my mind. That piece has been lost, but I held on to it for a while. In a big grey file cabinet I dragged around several places of residence. There is a suitcase full of items I’ve managed to hang on to. And this blog may be a place where I can examine some of these artifacts from my life. Why? Why not.